On My Weigh DOWN

What they don't know will help them!

2009-04-21T10:08:00.000-07:00

My son has his final performance for Anchorage Jr. Youth Symphony this Friday. We are supposed to bring a dessert to share. I'm doing so well eating clean that I don't want to blow it by being tempted to eat all the sugar laiden sweets I know will be at the party after the performance. So, I turned to my handy Clean Eating magazine for the recipe for the yummy looking chocolate cupcakes that grace the cover of the latest edition. The May/June 2009 'sinful low-cal dessert' is chocolate sour cream cupcakes. Also in the May/June edition is a recipe for 'baby cakes' hidden gem cupcakes that have fruit centers. I'm going to make a batch of each kind tonight, just to make sure they don't taste like shoe leather. I want to provide a healthier alternative for myself and others at the party, but I don't want them to know they are eating something healthier!

Cleaning up my act

2009-04-20T18:53:00.000-07:00

I've found the most wonderful magazine in the history of printed word. It's called Clean Eating. The magazine is less than a year old, but one I know from now on will occupy a special spot on my bookshelf, and my purse.

What is "clean eating," you may ask. Clean eating, as simple a concept as it is, is eating foods as close to their "natural" state as possible. No additives or preservatives, fruits, vegetables, low or no sugar, etc. It's about changing how one looks at food, and at eating. Tosca Reno does a much better job of explaining it at the eat clean website, so I'll let her. I've found wonderful healthy recipes, my kids actually EAT the food I cook, and I know I'm doing wonderful things for my body by putting good things into it instead of the garbage I've been shoving into my pie hole for so many years.

The other wonderful thing I've found about clean eating is that I don't feel like a failure. I'm not overwhelmed with the recipes, nor do I spend most of my time searching for ingredients that I not only can't find in my grocery store, but couldn't pronounce even if I could find them.

Today, for example, I started following the menu plan in the May/June Clean Eating magazine. I had tofu scramble for breakfast, fruit for a mid morning snack, mixed greens with tuna and vinagrette dressing for lunch with cantaloupe, some more tofu scramble for an afternoon snack (by the way, it's delicious... don't let the word "tofu" scare you), and for dinner I'm making the family penne, spaghetti sauce, steamed brocolli and mozarella cheese with Ezekiel bread (can be found in the grocery refrigerator section of the health section) with olive oil dip. I'm eating more than I ever have, and enjoying the smells, colors, tastes and experiences that I'm having in my kitchen.

I can see the clean eating style easily fitting into a Weight Watchers plan if I decided to return. Tosca Reno, the gal I mentioned earlier, has some great books out right now that I've picked up that contain recipes with the calorie, fat and fiber listings for each recipe by serving. The Clean Eating book she wrote is a great start if anyone is looking to find out more about the difference between clean eating and "dieting."

I'm looking forward to dinner... and to tomorrow! I've really enjoyed feeling like I'm producing good tasting, healthy meals for my family. I think my family is enjoying the new choices too... even if they have more dishes to do now!

In a few weeks, I'll post where I'm at in the weight loss curve. Until then, I'll just rave about how great I'm eating!

2009-03-06T14:48:00.000-08:00

I couldn't think of a pithy title for this post, so I'm not going to give it one. The last post mentioned Weight Watchers. Well, that plan, like most others I have had, fell by the wayside (or should I say weight side).

I was talking to a friend this afternoon about how tempted I am to go on Alli just so I have some kind of mysery and punishment if I don't eat right.

I'm disappointed in myself. I think it's that cycle of self loathing and self punishment that most heavy people go through occassionally. I'm disappointed enough with myself that I know I need to change all these habits I've got, but not down on myself enough yet to change them.

I found a great new magazine that I love called Clean Eating, and I've tried the recipes and like them. I'm not going to say I'm going to follow it with all my heart right now. I'm fed up with making promises that I can't keep for myself, let alone making promises that anyone with a computer can read! So, I'll just say that whatever I do, I'll put it here. Being accountable to strangers is better than being
accountable to myself, I guess. What I really need is to have someone drag me off to be on the Biggest Loser. The last thing I want is to stay heaving wearing those two piece workout suits they weigh the female participants in. Lord, I'd be so embarrassed about how I'd look in one of those I'd lose all the weight BEFORE I got to the first taping of the first episode.

More later.

One, two... buckle my shoe

2008-09-11T12:25:00.000-07:00

Started Weight Watcher's today. I think I've mentioned before that I'm a sucker for gold stars. We've got 14 weeks till we go to Hawaii. I know, at the weight I'm at now (250, in case you wanted to know), the tight plane seat would make for quite an uncomfortable ride. And, I don't feel like being embarrassed by having to ask for a seat belt extender in front of my children and new husband!

It's not like I haven't been on Weight Watcher's before. I've been on it more than a few times. They should give out plaques for those who "Try, try again." However, I haven't been on it with my new last name (kinda makes me feel like it's the first time), and the leader at my Wednesday meetings is new to Alaska and started as the leader last night too. So, we are both new, and are in this together.

I've made it to the gym a few times, but I'll be going more after we get back from Denali. I won Road Lottery tickets to drive into the park, and we'll be going all weekend. I have been hiking a lot though. It's blueberry season here, and the best places to pick just happen to be a 5 mile hike in to Symphony Lakes above Eagle River, AK, where I live. Blueberries are my favorite fruit, so I'd do anything to get the wild ones.

Hopefully, no DEFINITELY, by next summer, I'll be able to bend over to tie my shoe without having to crank my leg at an odd angle to do it on my lap! THAT would be a treat!

And, yes, I'm a little hungry, and a lot grumpy.

And, a WEIGH we go!

2008-08-25T18:27:00.001-07:00

Went to the gym for the first time since I got the membership. I drug my son along, begrudgingly. He ran 4.5 miles, and I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself. I walked on the tread mill, no where near his speed. But, I enjoyed myself too.

My husband and I came up with a few "inspirational" motivators. 1). If I go the gym 3 days a week, he'll get me flowers every week. 2). If I go the the gym or work out 5 days a week, he'll get me my FAVORITE flowers every week. 3). WHEN I lose 50 pounds, I get cross country skis. 4). WHEN I lose 80 pounds, I get a shopping spree for a new wardrobe. 5). WHEN I beat him to losing 20 pounds first, I get the North Face jacket I've been salivating over (yes, one can salivate over non edible items). I know, I know, my hubby should be getting me flowers anyway, but he gets me other things, like ice cream and chocolate now, so I'd rather have the flowers!

I'm off to walk on the tread mill. The food changes are coming, slowly but surely, and I'm going to join Weight Watchers tomorrow. I want to be one of those inspirational stories on their website!

Once upon a time, a fat girl joined a gym....

2008-08-20T13:40:00.000-07:00

The rest of the story is yet to be written.

The last time I wrote was ages ago. Nope, I'm no lower in weight, no smaller in clothing size, and no better an eater than I was in April. I AM, however, married now. Yup, my new husband decided he couldn't live without me, though more thick than thin, in sickness and in health, till death or an arguement over the last piece of cheesecake do us part! We got married in June. We had the wedding party "hike" to the nuptuals up our favorite hiking trail. Since we (he's no Adonis himself) are both out of shape, we didn't hike as far back as we would have liked to, and stopped at a bridge crossing Glacier Creek in Girdwood, AK, instead of hiking all the way back to Winner Creek Gorge Bridge. I didn't wear a dress, didn't have an armfull of flowers (I did have fiddlehead fern shoots, they were in bloom), no bridesmaids... it made it easier, but truth be told, I didn't want to try on dresses, so getting hitched in "true Alaskan form" on a hiking trail in a t-shirt, shorts and hiking boots was wonderful. And, I didn't have to lose a pound.

Back to the girl joining the gym tale. It should have started... Once upon a time, there was an unemployed girl who interviewed for a job with a great company and was offered a position. The girl took the position, not knowing at the time what wonderful benefits the magical company had. The supervisor of the girl's department added the delicious perk of fresh baked sweet rolls every day, and the coffee and cream flowed from a never ending pool. The Human Resource Genies, when they came to do the girl's orientation into the magical company expressed to the girl, who just happened to be very overweight, that the magical company would pay for a gym membership for the girl, and her entire family, if the girl would only go to the gym 12 times a month. The girl, they explained, could swim, utilize the cardiovascular machines like the stair stepper and the stationary bikes, lift weights, play racquetball, tennis or handball, participate in exercise classes... anything the gym offered and the girl partook in, the magical company would pay for. All the girl had to do was take in a punch card for the hunky Gym Fairy to punch with a special star paper punch. The girl, who really thought she would lose weight on her own during the summer riding her bike, hiking, taking her dogs for walks and getting outside in the Alaska sunshine, didn't take the magical company up on their offer. Months went by, and the girl waited and waited for the sun to show itself in Alaska. Then, one day, the girl's new husband said, "We didn't get outside at all this summer. Didn't your magical company say they would pay for your family gym membership if you go 12 times a month?" The girl couldn't avoid the gym then, especially when her new Prince was the one who drove the car and pulled into the gym.

Now, the girl has a family membership at a gym, her Prince wants to lift weights, and both of them want her magical company to pay for their gym membership. The girl will go to the gym 3 times a week, find group classes to attend, and hope that no one tries to harpoon her when she gets into the pool.

This is just the beginning, not the end. :)

The girl knows though, that she will never give up popcicles, no matter how healthy she gets.

Uhhhhhhh... I can't come up with any good excuses

2008-04-28T23:23:00.001-07:00

Wow, no weight lost, my wedding occurring in less than 7 weeks, and I'm trying to come up with really good excuses as to why. Hmmmm still thinking... Nope, I've got nothin'.

The only good thing about getting married in Alaska is that doing "out of the ordinary" here is almost expected. So, we are hiking to our favorite spot above Girdwood, AK, and getting married on the bridge over Winner Creek. That means, no dress, no heels, no wedding veil, no tossing the bouquet, no stress over not making weight and trying to vaseline my way into a dress there's no chance in hell I'd fit into now. My wedding pics will be filled of me in my signature red Merrill hiking boots and baggy shorts, sporting my camelbak hydration pack.

Pics or no pics, dress or no dress, I've still got to lose the weight. It's getting in the way of me enjoying my summer, my future marriage, my life! I don't have the energy to fill my weekends with activity. I know my hiney sure won't fit in a kayak if we pull them out in the next 3 weeks, and I DO have to actually be capable of finishing the hike in order to get married! I know he's not going to be able to carry me across the threshhold... asking him to carry me up the mountain is totally out of the question.

ARGH... where are those magic pills on the infomercials? Why haven't I heard about them on the Discovery Health channel? Why hasn't the news been reporting on the miracle of the "take it off in a day with no effort" pill that magically and effortlessly makes one thin overnight just by taking it before bedtime? OH, I remember... cause it doesn't EXIST!

I know it's all about me and the effort I put in. So far, no good.

I could go on about how I'm going to do better, how I'm committed to change my eating habits... but I have a sticker that I've had since high school that says it all... "People may not believe what you say, but they'll always believe what you do." So, I'll keep my lips shut, and just write about my actions from now on, triumphiant and not so wonderful, and then my actions speak for me as to my determination and commitment, or lack thereof.

Tomorrow is another day... thank god for tomorrows.

Rice Milk and Steel Cut Oats

2007-12-26T15:59:00.000-08:00

So far, so good! I've lost 7 1/2 pounds so far, and it's only been a week since I've been eating healthier.

No, I haven't followed the diet to a "t." I even let myself have a break on Christmas and had rice milk "ice cream" and tasted the prime rib that Alex made for Christmas dinner. All in all though, I'm darn proud of myself and feel great! I can tell that my body is doing better too. I haven't had any stomach aches when I eat like I did before, except yesterday after I ate the prime rib and potatoes. I awoke this morning with a lovely "sour stomach" and felt horrid. I know it's from eating the meat and the potatoes, and from drinking the wine with dinner (who can resist Châteauneuf-du-Pape? Certainly not me!).

One of my favorite things has to be a fruit smoothy I made yesterday. I blended frozen mango, frozen strawberries, frozen blackberries, a banana, a soya blueberry yogurt, about 1/2 - 3/4 a cup of rice milk, about 2 - 3 tablespoons of oat bran and about 2 tablespoons of ground hemp seeds in a blender. It made enough for 2 large glasses to hold, but I drank it all myself. It was WONDERFUL!

One thing I found I wasn't especially fond of was the Amy's brand vegetable pizza. The sauce tastes funny, and the picture of the pizza on the front of the box definitely was not a pictoral representation of the "pizza" I found on the inside. The pizza on the box was covered with artichoke hearts and halfed cherry tomatoes and crushed garlic on a spicy tomato sauce. The actual pizza looked like what my dog brings back up after eating dog food then drinking too much water too quickly. Next time I have a hankering for vegetable pizza, I definitely intend to make it myself.

While the kids and Alex got chocolate in their stockings for Christmas, I got a "Clean Eating" magazine, a "Crochet" magazine and a Pad Thai with Tofu boxed lunch. I'm ok with my stocking stuffers! The Pad Thai with Tofu was my lunch today, and it was exceptionally good. I'll have to find a few tasty recipes for tofu after these 11 weeks are over.

I am very proud of myself for doing so well on this new eating style. I don't feel like I'm starving at all. Actually, most of the time I feel completely satisfied to slightly full. I did switch up the quinoa I usually have for breakfast for steel cut oats and rice milk this morning. Alex (after eating the prime rib last night he too woke up with a stomach ache) decided he wanted them for breakfast, but I had him make mine without the brown sugar and cinnamon he poured on his. They were good, and a nice change to the quinoa.

Onward and upward! Or, as I told Alex this morning, "don't settle for almost good enough." I'm not settling in my life, or my diet, anymore. I'll keep going till I reach my best me, and then do what is required to stay there! I deserve the best!

Quinoa WHAT?

2007-12-20T13:58:00.000-08:00

I've been watching a lot of the BBC America channel. There's a show on every morning that I watch as I get ready for work called "You Are What You Eat." A woman named Dr. Gillian puts obese people on an 8 week program of healthy/holistic/natural foods and they drop the weight like it's melting off. Most of the participants in the show lose upwards of 2 stone (that's 28 pounds in 8 weeks, and they are EATING a LOT).

Inspired by the show, I decided to look at the website for the channel and found an 11 week bridal program, complete with daily eating plans, menus and recipes. Since I get married in 33 weeks from tomorrow, I could realistically do it 3 times). I printed off a copy, and have been doing it since yesterday. The eating of the food isn't that difficult, it's the finding of the foods that gave me trouble.

Living in Alaska, I didn't expect to be able to find the Quinoa Porridge (the flakes are like cream of wheat after they are cooked), Nori (seaweed wraps), or Aduki beans (red beans with little white "stripes" on them). I was pleasantly surprised to find most of the foods at the Fred Meyer in Eagle River where I live.

Yesterday, I ate Quinoa for breakfast, Chickpea and mint soup with carrot salad for lunch, and had a pear and vegetable juice for snacks. I didn't even get to eat my dinner because it took so long to make (I was supposed to have Chestnut loaf with steamed vegetables). I also missed a snack, bean dip with vege sticks. It doesn't sound like much just typing it, but I was full all day until dinner. Missing dinner just about did me in and I got VERY grumpy (Alex told the kids I would be moody until my body got used to the "new foods" and got over the cravings for the garbage I usually eat). Although I'm eating foods that I can't even pronounce right now, having them be totally different is a good thing. When I came home and unpacked the groceries after shopping, I felt good about what I'd purchased. I know that I could "binge" on everything I got, and I still wouldn't feel guilty. How can I feel guilty binging on carrots and cucumber, chestnuts and pine nuts, and pears and apples?

The funny thing about this is that people at work noticed the change first thing yesterday. I've got people commenting on my food choices and expressing how "sorry" they feel for me. I don't feel sorry for me though. The stuff actually tastes good. I like the Quinoa (pronounced Keen-wa), the chick peas are very tasty with everything else that's in the soup, and the Chestnut Roast that was supposed to be yesterday's dinner is awesome, and all I tasted was the mix. (I'm doing the first day of the plan over today, since I missed the roast).

Tuesday, I felt so bloated and disgusting. My stomach hurt, my pride hurt, my heart hurt. Today, I know that I'm on my way to making that all stop, and on my way to feeling and looking better, and losing weight.

The only downfall of this is that I am moody right now. I want to pop the skinny little blondes in my office that are telling me that the reason the trash stinks is because of the 'crap I'm eating now." (They seem to forget that they all left the leftovers from the office Christmas party in the trash all weekend). Give it 8 months, and I'll have them eating like I do. Ok, maybe not, but they'll all be jealous! :)

This chick's off to eat more chick peas and carrot salad!

I'll keep writing and reviewing the recipes I'm eating and update my weight. Hopefully, Alex doesn't read this. This morning, I weighed a whopping 17 1/2 stone. I'll let you do the calculation!

Thankful for Sweet Potatoes

2007-11-29T13:46:00.000-08:00

Two pounds down so far. It may not sound like a lot, but considering it was just Thanksgiving last week, and I didn't hold myself back from the sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, or the pumpkin cheesecake, two pounds down is still something to celebrate! I did get so far off track that I couldn't even SEE the track from where I was, but while on my side road, I came upon the track and jumped back on today. I love sweet potatoes though, so I'm going to really have to look for a low cal/low fat version. I'll eat them in lieu of dessert any time!

I decided to start an inspiration binder. I've been going online and looking for inspirational stories of women my height who have lost weight and kept it off. I am also writing down their tips and diet (dos and don'ts) advice. I print off their stories, pictures and tips and put them in the binder to keep me focused and remind me that if they can do it, so can I! I think this will be very good to have on hand when I feel like reaching for the egg nog ice cream or the christmas cookies.

I'm down to 36 weeks until my wedding. I'm still shooting for a massive weight loss, at least 70 pounds, and hopefully close to 100. We finally got the treadmill put together and moved it into the entertainment room. I've put a self-imposed restriction and requirement on my television viewing. I can only be in the entertainment room watching television if I'm walking on the treadmill for at least 1 hour or 3 to 5 miles of distance. I also took over "dog care" responsibilities from my son. He loves the dog, but he admitted he totally dislikes walking the dog 3 - 5 times a day, feeding him, and playing with him the hour we told him he needed to daily (the dog is an Australian Shephard, very high energy). He's much more a cat person; so, we "changed" pets. He now has the cat (who totally adores him anyway), and I have the dog. Every morning, I'm up at 5:30 walking the furry beast for 30 or more minutes. My boy walks him in the afternoon when he gets home from school, then I walk the dog again when I get home, and just before bed. On the weekends, I plan to take him for longer walks or take him snowshoeing with me (when we finally get some snow that doesn't get washed away by rain). Once I lose about 40 pounds, I'm going to start jogging on the treadmill, training for the Mayor's 1/2 Marathon that takes place on Summer Soltice (June 21 or round about then), and add some Tae Bo to my workout routine. Eventually, we'll get the home gym put together and I'll start weight training. After the wedding, I plan to keep up the workout routine just to keep up with my kids, improve my health, and not gain back the weight! I really miss running too, and since there are not many distance runs in Anchorage (or Alaska for that matter), I'll have to go Outside to run races, which I can turn into a vacation!

I'm still doing the point system (Flex Points) through Weight Watcher's online. I'm going to vary my diet some though. I have been listening to my body more, and it's telling me it doesn't really like red meat, bread, bagels, or daily jolt (4 shots in each drink) of espresso I've been giving it in the form of lattes. I'm going to keep listening and cut out those food items that give me stomach aches or head aches. There's so much to eat out there, and in so many combinations, I know I won't miss the items I cut out if I replace them with high quality, good tasting substitutes.

I'm getting there, slowly but surely!

Small Successes

2007-11-13T13:03:00.000-08:00

I've been doing Weight Watcher's online for a week now. While I've only lost about a pound, that's still a pound less than I weighed this time last week. To me, that's a success. A small success, but success none-the-less.

I haven't kept to the program like a diet Nazi or anything. I don't eat everything I'm supposed to. I'm no where near getting all the fruits, vegetables, "essential oils", water, or all the other suggested goals for the program. But, that's ok. It's only Tuesday, and I'm totally over my 35 extra "points" for the week. But, that's ok. I ate 85 points yesterday when I was only "supposed" to eat 28 points for the day. BUT THAT'S OK!

Before I started last week (for the kazillionth time), I would quit when I would "blow it" the first time. Or, I would blow it one day, then blow it for the rest of the week. I'm sticking to it this time, and I am convinced it is because my mindset has changed. I'm a bit of a perfectionist, and I've even been called a control freak one or twice (or a million times). While I consider those personality strengths, it's also been my downfall and weakness in the past when it came to my weightloss. When I started Weight Watchers again this time, I decided to do it online so that I have no excuses not to continue. When I did it before and I missed a meeting, I gave myself leave to miss another, and another, till I was totally off track. When I didn't follow it "perfectly" before, I wouldn't allow myself to fail totally, so I decided to "start again," instead of admitting defeat, but my "starting again" began weeks or even months later. The change this time is that I'm allowing myself not to be perfect, and I'm not trying to control myself so rigidly, which has allowed me to make mistakes but more importantly to pat myself on the back for small successes.

While a half pound loss isn't monumental, it's a stepping stone. I went over points yesterday in a BIG way, but at the end of the night when more appetizers were placed in front of me, I didn't eat any. That was a success to me. I am not following the plan perfectly, but I haven't quit, I think consciously about what I'm eating, I'm avoiding foods I know are my "trigger" foods, and I'm being honest with myself and allowing myself not to be perfect, and not getting down on myself for my faults. Successes, big or small, are successes and need to be recognized. Faults recognized and corrected turn into successes. This time, it's all about success for me. That's why I know I'm going to be successful... because I already am, and I can count all the small ways.

Diet Procrastination

2007-11-01T10:07:00.000-07:00

Boy, how time flies when you are ignoring the fact that your waistline needs thinning and your diet needs changing. Oh, the excuses you can come up with for not changing your lifestyle when you are the only one who has the power to change it. Oh, wait... that's me I'm talking about.

Only 40 weeks till my wedding. I haven't lost an ounce.

Halloween was the excuse I used for not starting my diet before today. Ok, Halloween, my birthday, Columbus Day, United Nations Day... I heard on the radio today that people who are smart can't get away with using lame excuses to explain their behavior, so I know I can't get away with claiming United Nations Day kept me off track.

Today is the first day of my diet. I've had many first days of many diets, but I have to lose on this diet. Everyone says that you should lose weight for yourself and not for anyone else, but I really love Alex. The only thing he doesn't like about me that he wished I'd change was my weight. I believe he deserves the best, and because I love him, I want him to have the best. That includes the best of myself that I can give him, and right now, I'm not giving him my best. So, since I can't seem to get the gumption to lose weight for myself, I'll lose it as a gift to him. I know that along the way, I'll find the encouragement I need to keep it off for myself. It's a win/win situation in the making!

I can feel the grumpy coming out in me already. I'm surrounded by snack food at work, Halloween candy every where I go, I (along with most Americans) have an issue with portion control at meals, it's only 9:22 am and I'm exhausted from lack of sleep and lack of my 20 ounce 4 shot latte. I figure that if I keep my hands typing, I won't be able to put anything into my hands that I could possibly shove into my mouth.

Since this is my place to put my thoughts, I know some of them will be disconnected. I'm going to blame it on a lack of refined carbs, trans fat, and red meat. It's only 9:25 am now... boy, I should be such a joy for the rest of the week while I get used to not just eating anything I want to.

Game plan, Game plan, have to come up with a game plan. One day at a time? Too broad. One meal at a time? Leaves out the remaining 22 "non-meal" hours of the day. One hour at a time? Too overwhelming to think about the 24 hours in each day, the 168 hours in each week, and the 6,720 hours until my wedding. Maybe I can fill that time with OTHER things to think about, other than how much I have to lose. I've always done better in life when I have a list to follow. Ok, snack foods... dates are good, and only 20 calories each (a serving size is 7 pieces, no fat, and 3 carbs of fiber), they are yummy, yes, dates are a good choice. Water... drink lots of water. Alex says it fools the body into thinking it's full. I don't know about that, but it does curb that "oral fixation" of having to put something into my mouth, and it has no calories, and it's good for me. Fruit... bring lots of fruit to work and always have some at home. Oatmeal, the non-quick cook kind, I can't forget to eat oatmeal every day. I always feel so full when I eat oatmeal. Bring lunch to work. That way, I'm not using not having lunch as an excuse to go downstairs to the restaurants on 5th Avenue and ordering things I wouldn't feed my own children! The Weight Watchers meals are good, and they've been on sale, and they don't require much preparation. Stay away from the snack corner. There's nothing good there for me. Yogurt, eat yogurt. Not being a fan of milk, yogurt is a good choice, and it's sweet, so it's like a treat (especially frozen). Meat, try to limit red meat. No "diet wisdom" for limiting red meat, it just makes me feel blah every time I eat it. Try new things each week, whether a recipe, a cooking technique or a new food. Make dieting an adventure, not a punishment. Make every choice consciously and ask myself, "is this helping or hindering my progress?" Oh, and get my lazy ass out of bed on Saturday mornings and make it to the Weight Watcher's meetings that I pay every month for. I still like the stickers, and I have friends that go, so I don't have to attend alone. Find a support network... people at work, friends, family (Alex is awesome), and the people at Weight Watchers. Focus on small weight goals. Right now, I just want to drop 5 pounds. I'd feel like I was on a journey if I did that. I know that when I take road trips, I don't feel like I'm going anywhere till I'm at least 5 miles out of Anchorage. The same goes for weight loss. I'll feel like I'm really losing when I see the scale drop 5 pounds below what I am now. Weigh daily at the same time, and keep a journal of weight, food eaten, thoughts, exercise, and encouraging self talk. "Think like a thin person," someone once told me. She said they stop eating when they are full, they don't eat everything on their plate, they aren't afraid of physical activity, and they aren't sedentary. Their hobbies include physical activity. Look for role models, whether those who have been heavy and have lost weight and kept it off, or those who are on the same journey who have "been there" and are still working on getting out, and take their stories and words to heart. Cruising the net looking for inspiring stories, reading magazines, reading cook books... keep me occupied and away from the food.

I'm rambling, I know... but it's my blog, and it's my first day, and ..... and.... and..... Lord, that coffee smells good. Water, here I come.

Weight Watchers and a Wedding

2007-10-03T18:25:00.000-07:00

Anyone who reads my other blog knows that I recently got engaged. That's right, the fatty with the "pretty face" snagged herself a man, for real. The fact that I'm getting married is spurring me to lose the weight for my wedding.

I love it when people say, "Oh, you should lose weight for yourself, not for anyone else." Bologna. While that may work for most, it isn't and hasn't worked for me. What do you do when you are active, in perfect health, and think you look really good, except for that tire around your middle? You stay the way you are, because you don't see the weight as that big of an issue. That's me. I've talked about losing weight. Sometimes the weight irritates me. I can't get my bras at Victoria's Secret (they don't have one in Alaska anyway, so that's not a big deal). But, my weight does bother my fiance. Maybe bother is not the right word. Men are visual creatures. I know he doesn't find the tire sexy, just as he doesn't find the Michelan man sexy. There's also a reason why there's no Pillsbury Dough girl. Extra weight on women, rolls, bags and bulges, isn't attractive. Yes, there's a double standard. Women are lard asses, men are husky. But, I digress. The weight does bother my boyfriend, and that is impetus enough for me to look for the next Weight Watcher's meeting in my area (oh, and the fact that I'm paying a monthly membership and am not using it).

I love my fiance. I think he's a wonderful man, and I believe I'm blessed to have him in my life for so many reasons. He has everything money can buy, so what I want to give him for a wedding present is a thinner and in shape bride. This is something only I can give him, and something he will appreciate and cherish because he will see me working so hard to give that gift to him.

So, while this blog started out as a blog about my Alaska Fat March, it's morphed into "My Walk Away the Fat Wedding in Alaska March," or something like that. I did get a tread mill for the new house, I now have space to do my Walk Away the Pounds videos, we have no back yard fence and that fact requires me to have to walk the dogs instead of let them just head outside to do their business. I have 45 weeks and a day till my wedding day on August 8th, 2008. Realistically, and with no exaggeration, I have about 100 pounds to lose. I don't think it's unrealistic to think that I could lose at least 70 by my wedding.

Weight Watcher's, here I come. I'll be going on Saturday mornings with a friend, so I'm accountable to show up. Fruit instead of candy, here I come. Good-bye latte/pastry breakfast, hello oatmeal. Good-bye blue cheese salad lunch, hello soup and cheese-free salad. Good-bye pasta dinners, hello grilled chicken, brown rice and brocolli. I guess I'll also start putting my weight on here, and hope my fiance doesn't read this blog.

Lazy, Lazy, Lazy

2007-09-05T13:59:00.000-07:00

I found another website today about someone walking to lose weight. It's at JayBo Walking. He started a walk from South Carolina to California in June. BOY, do I feel lazy now. I haven't put in nearly the mileage that I wanted to. Oh, wait... I haven't put in ANY mileage that I wanted to. I keep blaming my lack of activity on life getting in the way... you know, life like going out with friends, hiking to pick berries, driving to Seward to enjoy the last few days of summer we have left here in Alaska. While I know there is nothing stopping me (but me) from going to bed early and getting up at the crack of dawn and hitting the gym, I haven't managed to drag my ass out of bed! I've been getting stomach aches lately from trying to suck my gut in so I don't look as heavy as I am. My mom always said it would work... mom was wrong!

To top off my humiliation and shame and guilt, I turn on the tele last night and catch "Biggest Loser, Have They Kept It Off." Two years ago, I lost 30 pounds. It found me. Being fat really sucks. I know I have no one to blame but myself. Time to (oh, wait, I've said this before about 100 times) do something about it. Even if I do something small, like quit eating all the junk food, it's a start.

I walked by that weight loss product Alli yesterday at Walmart. I'm half tempted to start taking it just to keep me from eating the food I know I shouldn't. I'm at that point. I'm more disgusted with myself and the way I look from my shoulders to my knees than I am disgusted at the thought of having to wear liners in my pants to avoid the possible side effects of Alli. BLECH, both are disgusting.

Thank god those tootsie roll minis are gone now. I'm so frustrated and upset, that if they were there, I'd be eating them to console me... even though I know I shouldn't!

Best Laid Plans

2007-08-21T14:48:00.000-07:00

My plans for my Alaska Fat March weren't so well laid out after all. As of today, I've walked zero, yes zero, purposeful steps towards reaching my 579.54 mile aspiration by October 24. I watched Fat March on television last night and couldn't help but think that if ALL I had to do was walk every day, no work, no family obligations, no "life" getting in the way, that it would be so easy to walk the 579.54 miles. Well, maybe not EASY, but it would definitely be the only activity I'd have to focus on. Choosing my own food is definitely a downfall too. I'd love to have someone else just tell me what to eat and what to do for 10 weeks and not really have to think about it much. Oh, wait, I already did that. It was called "BOOT CAMP," and I did that for the US Navy in 1990. I lost weight and got in shape then though.

Well, through my postings, I've found a new "partner" in walking the equivalent distance from Homer to Fairbanks, AK. She lives in Soldotna. She doesn't have as much weight to lose as I do, but it'll be nice to have someone that I'm being held responsible to.

In all reality, I could lose a significant amount of weight. If I lost 60 pounds, I'd be about where I'd like to be. If I lost 70, I'd be at my lowest weight since December of 1992, 15 years ago. If I lost 80, I'd be at my original exit weight when I got out of boot camp the summer of 1990, before I had my daughter. If I lost 90, I'd be at my lowest weight since high school. If I lost 100, I'd be at my lowest weight since middle school. That goal to me is unrealistic, so I'm going to shoot for 70. I felt and looked good at that weight. I know I'm not going to make it in 10, make that 9, weeks till my birthday. Attempting to walk the almost 10 miles a day, 7 days a week, that it would take to get me to that point is insane. It doesn't mean I won't TRY, but I'm not going to put myself under that kind of pressure with the rest of what is going on in my life. I'll shoot for 5 miles a day, and if I make that, it's still 5 more than I would have gone, right? RIGHT. It's about 19 weeks till the end of the year. The 279.54 miles is definitely doable in that time frame, and it would be a true challenge for me, living my life OUTSIDE of my Alaska Fat March, to complete the mileage in under 19 weeks.

My downfall, as I said, is my eating. It's just so easy to grab something when it's been pre-packaged, smells good, tastes good, but is full of empty calories. My downfalls just for today have been the evil Tootsie Midgets (yes, again), my chai tea, the trail mix that's so easy to eat, and the biscotti that went oh-so-well with my tea. I pay for a monthly Weight Watcher's membership, but I haven't gone in weeks. I'm now too embarrassed to get on the scale because I KNOW I haven't lost weight in the 3 weeks since I've gone. I keep thinking that if I just get back on track that I'll go in and have a great weight loss, get my sticker for 5 pounds lost (I love stickers, instant gratification), and not feel like a complete idiot. So, I'm not going tonight either.

Time to get serious. No one is going to hold my hand through this, it's all up to me. I made a promise to Alex that I'd lose 60 pounds, and the WORST thing to EVER do is tell your boyfriend you are going to lose weight and then continue to do exactly what you are doing that made you gain weight in the first place. I don't want to disappoint myself, and now I don't want to disappoint him either.

Grocery store, here I come. The salmon is getting cooked, the Tootsie Midgets are getting moved, the walking is starting tonight, rain or shine. No more excuses. I may not be able to do it all in 9 weeks, but I can do something, and that'll be a drastic improvement over what I'm doing now.

Tiny Tootsie Trip Up

2007-08-15T15:05:00.000-07:00

I have the best intentions for my Alaska Fat March, I really do. How then, can I be tripped up by something as small as a tootsie roll? I woke up too late to make something for breakfast, so I ate the remainder of my chef salad from last night for breakfast, had my obligatory (ok, so I'm addicted and need a coffee 12 step program...) 16 oz skinny latte to wash down the salad, then went to grab a water from the work fridge and start my day.

They were right there... so enticing.... so easy to reach in their shiny glass bowl.... so tiny.... one or two (or twenty) couldn't be that bad, right? Ok, so I know I'm not right, and that asking for confirmation of a wrong doesn't MAKE it right, but misery loves company. The problem with small candy is that no matter how much you eat of it, it still only seems you've had one piece. I've now got enough tootsie roll wrappers (hidden, of course) in the trash can under my desk to wallpaper a wall of my bathroom.

And, walking today? Well, it was raining this morning, and it's cold Alaska rain, too cold to walk outside. I made jelly last night until 1 am and I was tired so I didn't get up early enough to make it to the gym before work. I had a meeting at lunch, so I couldn't make it to the gym down the road. Blah, Blah, Blah... Yada, Yada, Yada.... My fat cells are sending excuses to my brain because the cells are comfortable living on my hiney and don't want to leave, but the more "excuses" I type, the less convincing they sound as legitimate excuses.

Every journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step. My journey of 579.54 miles, the distance from Homer AK to Fairbanks AK also has to begin with a single step. Although that distance seems daunting now, at least it's not 1000 MILES, right (seeking justification again)? Even though I'm helping a friend move a couch tonight at 5:30, and we are looking at a house at 7:30, I'm going to take that first step tonight, and combine them with a few thousand other steps, and do at least 8 1/2 miles tonight. If not, I'll do just the like the participants in the actual Fat March show, and have to make up those miles later, which I REALLY don't want to do!

I'll put on a raincoat if it's still raining tonight, put my camel bak water pack on, and head out the friggin' door, probably grumbling, bitching about the rain, moaning, complaining and kicking myself for giving myself no other options but to complete what I decided to start the whole walk. And tomorrow, I'll do the same, but tomorrow I'll skip the stumbling block of tootsie rolls that I started with this morning. I've got a long way to go, and a lot to learn, and a lot of modifications to make... but when you start from the bottom, the only direction to go is up!

Sometimes I wonder why I'd start this blog and put myself out here like I am. Well, I know that part of it is being held accountable. When others read or hear me say something, they hold me accountable to what I've said. I don't know if anyone else will read this blog, but knowing I've put it out there for the WORLD to see makes me feel more accountable. Why post it? I have a very bad habit of writing in journals, then going back and ripping out the pages if I don't like or agree with what I've written the next time I pick up the journal. It's too easy to rip out the pages. Sure, I can delete the entries I have here, or even delete the blog itself, but it's not so easy, especially if others read this! And, the fact that it's attached to my livefromalaska blog means that I'd still be held accountable, because I'd be able to be found. And lastly, writing it in a blog gives me something to do, other than shoveling food into my mouth. While I type, I can also look up other sites that will give me recipe ideas and tips on how to eat correctly. Of course, ask any heavy person what to eat to lose weight, we all know. All fat folk KNOW what it takes to lose weight, we just don't DO it! Also, I know it just takes one tiny tootsie roll to trip us up too.