Uhhhhhhh... I can't come up with any good excuses

Wow, no weight lost, my wedding occurring in less than 7 weeks, and I'm trying to come up with really good excuses as to why. Hmmmm still thinking... Nope, I've got nothin'.

The only good thing about getting married in Alaska is that doing "out of the ordinary" here is almost expected. So, we are hiking to our favorite spot above Girdwood, AK, and getting married on the bridge over Winner Creek. That means, no dress, no heels, no wedding veil, no tossing the bouquet, no stress over not making weight and trying to vaseline my way into a dress there's no chance in hell I'd fit into now. My wedding pics will be filled of me in my signature red Merrill hiking boots and baggy shorts, sporting my camelbak hydration pack.

Pics or no pics, dress or no dress, I've still got to lose the weight. It's getting in the way of me enjoying my summer, my future marriage, my life! I don't have the energy to fill my weekends with activity. I know my hiney sure won't fit in a kayak if we pull them out in the next 3 weeks, and I DO have to actually be capable of finishing the hike in order to get married! I know he's not going to be able to carry me across the threshhold... asking him to carry me up the mountain is totally out of the question.

ARGH... where are those magic pills on the infomercials? Why haven't I heard about them on the Discovery Health channel? Why hasn't the news been reporting on the miracle of the "take it off in a day with no effort" pill that magically and effortlessly makes one thin overnight just by taking it before bedtime? OH, I remember... cause it doesn't EXIST!

I know it's all about me and the effort I put in. So far, no good.

I could go on about how I'm going to do better, how I'm committed to change my eating habits... but I have a sticker that I've had since high school that says it all... "People may not believe what you say, but they'll always believe what you do." So, I'll keep my lips shut, and just write about my actions from now on, triumphiant and not so wonderful, and then my actions speak for me as to my determination and commitment, or lack thereof.

Tomorrow is another day... thank god for tomorrows.

Rice Milk and Steel Cut Oats

So far, so good! I've lost 7 1/2 pounds so far, and it's only been a week since I've been eating healthier.

No, I haven't followed the diet to a "t." I even let myself have a break on Christmas and had rice milk "ice cream" and tasted the prime rib that Alex made for Christmas dinner. All in all though, I'm darn proud of myself and feel great! I can tell that my body is doing better too. I haven't had any stomach aches when I eat like I did before, except yesterday after I ate the prime rib and potatoes. I awoke this morning with a lovely "sour stomach" and felt horrid. I know it's from eating the meat and the potatoes, and from drinking the wine with dinner (who can resist Châteauneuf-du-Pape? Certainly not me!).

One of my favorite things has to be a fruit smoothy I made yesterday. I blended frozen mango, frozen strawberries, frozen blackberries, a banana, a soya blueberry yogurt, about 1/2 - 3/4 a cup of rice milk, about 2 - 3 tablespoons of oat bran and about 2 tablespoons of ground hemp seeds in a blender. It made enough for 2 large glasses to hold, but I drank it all myself. It was WONDERFUL!

One thing I found I wasn't especially fond of was the Amy's brand vegetable pizza. The sauce tastes funny, and the picture of the pizza on the front of the box definitely was not a pictoral representation of the "pizza" I found on the inside. The pizza on the box was covered with artichoke hearts and halfed cherry tomatoes and crushed garlic on a spicy tomato sauce. The actual pizza looked like what my dog brings back up after eating dog food then drinking too much water too quickly. Next time I have a hankering for vegetable pizza, I definitely intend to make it myself.

While the kids and Alex got chocolate in their stockings for Christmas, I got a "Clean Eating" magazine, a "Crochet" magazine and a Pad Thai with Tofu boxed lunch. I'm ok with my stocking stuffers! The Pad Thai with Tofu was my lunch today, and it was exceptionally good. I'll have to find a few tasty recipes for tofu after these 11 weeks are over.

I am very proud of myself for doing so well on this new eating style. I don't feel like I'm starving at all. Actually, most of the time I feel completely satisfied to slightly full. I did switch up the quinoa I usually have for breakfast for steel cut oats and rice milk this morning. Alex (after eating the prime rib last night he too woke up with a stomach ache) decided he wanted them for breakfast, but I had him make mine without the brown sugar and cinnamon he poured on his. They were good, and a nice change to the quinoa.

Onward and upward! Or, as I told Alex this morning, "don't settle for almost good enough." I'm not settling in my life, or my diet, anymore. I'll keep going till I reach my best me, and then do what is required to stay there! I deserve the best!

Quinoa WHAT?

I've been watching a lot of the BBC America channel. There's a show on every morning that I watch as I get ready for work called "You Are What You Eat." A woman named Dr. Gillian puts obese people on an 8 week program of healthy/holistic/natural foods and they drop the weight like it's melting off. Most of the participants in the show lose upwards of 2 stone (that's 28 pounds in 8 weeks, and they are EATING a LOT).

Inspired by the show, I decided to look at the website for the channel and found an 11 week bridal program, complete with daily eating plans, menus and recipes. Since I get married in 33 weeks from tomorrow, I could realistically do it 3 times). I printed off a copy, and have been doing it since yesterday. The eating of the food isn't that difficult, it's the finding of the foods that gave me trouble.

Living in Alaska, I didn't expect to be able to find the Quinoa Porridge (the flakes are like cream of wheat after they are cooked), Nori (seaweed wraps), or Aduki beans (red beans with little white "stripes" on them). I was pleasantly surprised to find most of the foods at the Fred Meyer in Eagle River where I live.

Yesterday, I ate Quinoa for breakfast, Chickpea and mint soup with carrot salad for lunch, and had a pear and vegetable juice for snacks. I didn't even get to eat my dinner because it took so long to make (I was supposed to have Chestnut loaf with steamed vegetables). I also missed a snack, bean dip with vege sticks. It doesn't sound like much just typing it, but I was full all day until dinner. Missing dinner just about did me in and I got VERY grumpy (Alex told the kids I would be moody until my body got used to the "new foods" and got over the cravings for the garbage I usually eat). Although I'm eating foods that I can't even pronounce right now, having them be totally different is a good thing. When I came home and unpacked the groceries after shopping, I felt good about what I'd purchased. I know that I could "binge" on everything I got, and I still wouldn't feel guilty. How can I feel guilty binging on carrots and cucumber, chestnuts and pine nuts, and pears and apples?

The funny thing about this is that people at work noticed the change first thing yesterday. I've got people commenting on my food choices and expressing how "sorry" they feel for me. I don't feel sorry for me though. The stuff actually tastes good. I like the Quinoa (pronounced Keen-wa), the chick peas are very tasty with everything else that's in the soup, and the Chestnut Roast that was supposed to be yesterday's dinner is awesome, and all I tasted was the mix. (I'm doing the first day of the plan over today, since I missed the roast).

Tuesday, I felt so bloated and disgusting. My stomach hurt, my pride hurt, my heart hurt. Today, I know that I'm on my way to making that all stop, and on my way to feeling and looking better, and losing weight.

The only downfall of this is that I am moody right now. I want to pop the skinny little blondes in my office that are telling me that the reason the trash stinks is because of the 'crap I'm eating now." (They seem to forget that they all left the leftovers from the office Christmas party in the trash all weekend). Give it 8 months, and I'll have them eating like I do. Ok, maybe not, but they'll all be jealous! :)

This chick's off to eat more chick peas and carrot salad!

I'll keep writing and reviewing the recipes I'm eating and update my weight. Hopefully, Alex doesn't read this. This morning, I weighed a whopping 17 1/2 stone. I'll let you do the calculation!

Thankful for Sweet Potatoes

Two pounds down so far. It may not sound like a lot, but considering it was just Thanksgiving last week, and I didn't hold myself back from the sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, or the pumpkin cheesecake, two pounds down is still something to celebrate! I did get so far off track that I couldn't even SEE the track from where I was, but while on my side road, I came upon the track and jumped back on today. I love sweet potatoes though, so I'm going to really have to look for a low cal/low fat version. I'll eat them in lieu of dessert any time!

I decided to start an inspiration binder. I've been going online and looking for inspirational stories of women my height who have lost weight and kept it off. I am also writing down their tips and diet (dos and don'ts) advice. I print off their stories, pictures and tips and put them in the binder to keep me focused and remind me that if they can do it, so can I! I think this will be very good to have on hand when I feel like reaching for the egg nog ice cream or the christmas cookies.

I'm down to 36 weeks until my wedding. I'm still shooting for a massive weight loss, at least 70 pounds, and hopefully close to 100. We finally got the treadmill put together and moved it into the entertainment room. I've put a self-imposed restriction and requirement on my television viewing. I can only be in the entertainment room watching television if I'm walking on the treadmill for at least 1 hour or 3 to 5 miles of distance. I also took over "dog care" responsibilities from my son. He loves the dog, but he admitted he totally dislikes walking the dog 3 - 5 times a day, feeding him, and playing with him the hour we told him he needed to daily (the dog is an Australian Shephard, very high energy). He's much more a cat person; so, we "changed" pets. He now has the cat (who totally adores him anyway), and I have the dog. Every morning, I'm up at 5:30 walking the furry beast for 30 or more minutes. My boy walks him in the afternoon when he gets home from school, then I walk the dog again when I get home, and just before bed. On the weekends, I plan to take him for longer walks or take him snowshoeing with me (when we finally get some snow that doesn't get washed away by rain). Once I lose about 40 pounds, I'm going to start jogging on the treadmill, training for the Mayor's 1/2 Marathon that takes place on Summer Soltice (June 21 or round about then), and add some Tae Bo to my workout routine. Eventually, we'll get the home gym put together and I'll start weight training. After the wedding, I plan to keep up the workout routine just to keep up with my kids, improve my health, and not gain back the weight! I really miss running too, and since there are not many distance runs in Anchorage (or Alaska for that matter), I'll have to go Outside to run races, which I can turn into a vacation!

I'm still doing the point system (Flex Points) through Weight Watcher's online. I'm going to vary my diet some though. I have been listening to my body more, and it's telling me it doesn't really like red meat, bread, bagels, or daily jolt (4 shots in each drink) of espresso I've been giving it in the form of lattes. I'm going to keep listening and cut out those food items that give me stomach aches or head aches. There's so much to eat out there, and in so many combinations, I know I won't miss the items I cut out if I replace them with high quality, good tasting substitutes.

I'm getting there, slowly but surely!

Small Successes

I've been doing Weight Watcher's online for a week now. While I've only lost about a pound, that's still a pound less than I weighed this time last week. To me, that's a success. A small success, but success none-the-less.

I haven't kept to the program like a diet Nazi or anything. I don't eat everything I'm supposed to. I'm no where near getting all the fruits, vegetables, "essential oils", water, or all the other suggested goals for the program. But, that's ok. It's only Tuesday, and I'm totally over my 35 extra "points" for the week. But, that's ok. I ate 85 points yesterday when I was only "supposed" to eat 28 points for the day. BUT THAT'S OK!

Before I started last week (for the kazillionth time), I would quit when I would "blow it" the first time. Or, I would blow it one day, then blow it for the rest of the week. I'm sticking to it this time, and I am convinced it is because my mindset has changed. I'm a bit of a perfectionist, and I've even been called a control freak one or twice (or a million times). While I consider those personality strengths, it's also been my downfall and weakness in the past when it came to my weightloss. When I started Weight Watchers again this time, I decided to do it online so that I have no excuses not to continue. When I did it before and I missed a meeting, I gave myself leave to miss another, and another, till I was totally off track. When I didn't follow it "perfectly" before, I wouldn't allow myself to fail totally, so I decided to "start again," instead of admitting defeat, but my "starting again" began weeks or even months later. The change this time is that I'm allowing myself not to be perfect, and I'm not trying to control myself so rigidly, which has allowed me to make mistakes but more importantly to pat myself on the back for small successes.

While a half pound loss isn't monumental, it's a stepping stone. I went over points yesterday in a BIG way, but at the end of the night when more appetizers were placed in front of me, I didn't eat any. That was a success to me. I am not following the plan perfectly, but I haven't quit, I think consciously about what I'm eating, I'm avoiding foods I know are my "trigger" foods, and I'm being honest with myself and allowing myself not to be perfect, and not getting down on myself for my faults. Successes, big or small, are successes and need to be recognized. Faults recognized and corrected turn into successes. This time, it's all about success for me. That's why I know I'm going to be successful... because I already am, and I can count all the small ways.

Diet Procrastination

Boy, how time flies when you are ignoring the fact that your waistline needs thinning and your diet needs changing. Oh, the excuses you can come up with for not changing your lifestyle when you are the only one who has the power to change it. Oh, wait... that's me I'm talking about.

Only 40 weeks till my wedding. I haven't lost an ounce.

Halloween was the excuse I used for not starting my diet before today. Ok, Halloween, my birthday, Columbus Day, United Nations Day... I heard on the radio today that people who are smart can't get away with using lame excuses to explain their behavior, so I know I can't get away with claiming United Nations Day kept me off track.

Today is the first day of my diet. I've had many first days of many diets, but I have to lose on this diet. Everyone says that you should lose weight for yourself and not for anyone else, but I really love Alex. The only thing he doesn't like about me that he wished I'd change was my weight. I believe he deserves the best, and because I love him, I want him to have the best. That includes the best of myself that I can give him, and right now, I'm not giving him my best. So, since I can't seem to get the gumption to lose weight for myself, I'll lose it as a gift to him. I know that along the way, I'll find the encouragement I need to keep it off for myself. It's a win/win situation in the making!

I can feel the grumpy coming out in me already. I'm surrounded by snack food at work, Halloween candy every where I go, I (along with most Americans) have an issue with portion control at meals, it's only 9:22 am and I'm exhausted from lack of sleep and lack of my 20 ounce 4 shot latte. I figure that if I keep my hands typing, I won't be able to put anything into my hands that I could possibly shove into my mouth.

Since this is my place to put my thoughts, I know some of them will be disconnected. I'm going to blame it on a lack of refined carbs, trans fat, and red meat. It's only 9:25 am now... boy, I should be such a joy for the rest of the week while I get used to not just eating anything I want to.

Game plan, Game plan, have to come up with a game plan. One day at a time? Too broad. One meal at a time? Leaves out the remaining 22 "non-meal" hours of the day. One hour at a time? Too overwhelming to think about the 24 hours in each day, the 168 hours in each week, and the 6,720 hours until my wedding. Maybe I can fill that time with OTHER things to think about, other than how much I have to lose. I've always done better in life when I have a list to follow. Ok, snack foods... dates are good, and only 20 calories each (a serving size is 7 pieces, no fat, and 3 carbs of fiber), they are yummy, yes, dates are a good choice. Water... drink lots of water. Alex says it fools the body into thinking it's full. I don't know about that, but it does curb that "oral fixation" of having to put something into my mouth, and it has no calories, and it's good for me. Fruit... bring lots of fruit to work and always have some at home. Oatmeal, the non-quick cook kind, I can't forget to eat oatmeal every day. I always feel so full when I eat oatmeal. Bring lunch to work. That way, I'm not using not having lunch as an excuse to go downstairs to the restaurants on 5th Avenue and ordering things I wouldn't feed my own children! The Weight Watchers meals are good, and they've been on sale, and they don't require much preparation. Stay away from the snack corner. There's nothing good there for me. Yogurt, eat yogurt. Not being a fan of milk, yogurt is a good choice, and it's sweet, so it's like a treat (especially frozen). Meat, try to limit red meat. No "diet wisdom" for limiting red meat, it just makes me feel blah every time I eat it. Try new things each week, whether a recipe, a cooking technique or a new food. Make dieting an adventure, not a punishment. Make every choice consciously and ask myself, "is this helping or hindering my progress?" Oh, and get my lazy ass out of bed on Saturday mornings and make it to the Weight Watcher's meetings that I pay every month for. I still like the stickers, and I have friends that go, so I don't have to attend alone. Find a support network... people at work, friends, family (Alex is awesome), and the people at Weight Watchers. Focus on small weight goals. Right now, I just want to drop 5 pounds. I'd feel like I was on a journey if I did that. I know that when I take road trips, I don't feel like I'm going anywhere till I'm at least 5 miles out of Anchorage. The same goes for weight loss. I'll feel like I'm really losing when I see the scale drop 5 pounds below what I am now. Weigh daily at the same time, and keep a journal of weight, food eaten, thoughts, exercise, and encouraging self talk. "Think like a thin person," someone once told me. She said they stop eating when they are full, they don't eat everything on their plate, they aren't afraid of physical activity, and they aren't sedentary. Their hobbies include physical activity. Look for role models, whether those who have been heavy and have lost weight and kept it off, or those who are on the same journey who have "been there" and are still working on getting out, and take their stories and words to heart. Cruising the net looking for inspiring stories, reading magazines, reading cook books... keep me occupied and away from the food.

I'm rambling, I know... but it's my blog, and it's my first day, and ..... and.... and..... Lord, that coffee smells good. Water, here I come.

Weight Watchers and a Wedding

Anyone who reads my other blog knows that I recently got engaged. That's right, the fatty with the "pretty face" snagged herself a man, for real. The fact that I'm getting married is spurring me to lose the weight for my wedding.

I love it when people say, "Oh, you should lose weight for yourself, not for anyone else." Bologna. While that may work for most, it isn't and hasn't worked for me. What do you do when you are active, in perfect health, and think you look really good, except for that tire around your middle? You stay the way you are, because you don't see the weight as that big of an issue. That's me. I've talked about losing weight. Sometimes the weight irritates me. I can't get my bras at Victoria's Secret (they don't have one in Alaska anyway, so that's not a big deal). But, my weight does bother my fiance. Maybe bother is not the right word. Men are visual creatures. I know he doesn't find the tire sexy, just as he doesn't find the Michelan man sexy. There's also a reason why there's no Pillsbury Dough girl. Extra weight on women, rolls, bags and bulges, isn't attractive. Yes, there's a double standard. Women are lard asses, men are husky. But, I digress. The weight does bother my boyfriend, and that is impetus enough for me to look for the next Weight Watcher's meeting in my area (oh, and the fact that I'm paying a monthly membership and am not using it).

I love my fiance. I think he's a wonderful man, and I believe I'm blessed to have him in my life for so many reasons. He has everything money can buy, so what I want to give him for a wedding present is a thinner and in shape bride. This is something only I can give him, and something he will appreciate and cherish because he will see me working so hard to give that gift to him.

So, while this blog started out as a blog about my Alaska Fat March, it's morphed into "My Walk Away the Fat Wedding in Alaska March," or something like that. I did get a tread mill for the new house, I now have space to do my Walk Away the Pounds videos, we have no back yard fence and that fact requires me to have to walk the dogs instead of let them just head outside to do their business. I have 45 weeks and a day till my wedding day on August 8th, 2008. Realistically, and with no exaggeration, I have about 100 pounds to lose. I don't think it's unrealistic to think that I could lose at least 70 by my wedding.

Weight Watcher's, here I come. I'll be going on Saturday mornings with a friend, so I'm accountable to show up. Fruit instead of candy, here I come. Good-bye latte/pastry breakfast, hello oatmeal. Good-bye blue cheese salad lunch, hello soup and cheese-free salad. Good-bye pasta dinners, hello grilled chicken, brown rice and brocolli. I guess I'll also start putting my weight on here, and hope my fiance doesn't read this blog.